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She isn’t lost, just buried deep beneath

Posted by on Apr 25, 2012 in Chaos of Life, Family, Linked Up, Parenting, Survival | 2 comments

Yesterday I finished a beautiful book written by Kelle Hampton  called Bloom (I actually wrote an entire post that was lost due to technical issue upon finishing said book and it was epic really).  It is Kelle Hampton’s memoir about how she found beauty in the unexpected gift her daughter Nella gave her when she was born with Down Syndrome.

Here is a little description of her book on Amazon:

“Love me. Love me. I’m not what you expected, but oh, please love me.

That was the most defining moment of my life. That was the beginning of my story.

From the outside looking in, Kelle Hampton had the perfect life: a beautiful two-year-old daughter, a loving husband, a thriving photography career, and great friends. When she learned she was pregnant with her second child, she and her husband, Brett, were ecstatic. Her pregnancy went smoothly and the ultrasounds showed a beautiful, healthy, high-kicking baby girl.

But when her new daughter was placed in her arms in the delivery room, Kelle knew instantly that something was wrong. Nella looked different than her two-year-old sister, Lainey, had at birth. As she watched friends and family celebrate with champagne toasts and endless photographs, a terrified Kelle was certain that Nella had Down syndrome—a fear her pediatrician soon confirmed. Yet gradually Kelle’s fear and pain were vanquished by joy, as she embraced the realization that she had been chosen to experience an extraordinary and special gift.”


As you can see Kelle was about to embark on the biggest journey her life had handed her yet. While I do not have a child with Down Syndrome I found Kelle’s story really hit home for me. At some point in your life as a mother you have a moment of disappointment that makes you instantly feel ashamed. I have had many of these (I promise this entire post will not be a Debbie Downer).

Some small.

Some big.

But all times that I look back on and regret.

How could I feel disappointment when I have three beautiful, healthy, vibrant children?

I feel disappointment in myself for my reactions, lack of patience, inability to keep what day of the week it is straight or what time a workout class starts (I managed to mess this up twice this week – impressed yet?), that I couldn’t get my kids to eat three healthy meals in a day.

We as mothers feel an immense responsibility for not only our children but for ourselves and we rarely cut ourselves slack.

I am notorious for beating myself up about little things and as hard as I try to, as good as I might be to myself one day, the next I am cursing my own name.

Being a mom is hard.

You feel you have lost yourself, your former self that is.

Where did that bold, sassy, fun chic go?

Why does she hide and why does she require so much coaxing to resurface?

 I  find that the days that I feel the best about my former self and see glimpses of her are the days I take time for me.

I shower.

Apply makeup (maybe).

Dress in an actual outfit and possibly add earrings to the mix.

These are the days I feel like me….until that moment.

The moment of irritation that takes me back to momma instead of me.

The moment I forget what this whole ride is about.

So I take a step back.

I breath deeply (this is supposed to help but I often find it just makes me dizzy and more angry).

I listen to the stories my children tell me about school and chrysalis and how there are pupae in them that will turn into Monarchs.

I watch them have “firsts” like pumping their swing solo the first time.

I am amazed.

Amazed by their resilience and inspired.

That pre-momma me was pretty great but if I did deeper I am pretty sure I can find the kid that started it all still inside.

I think that kid is the key.

They key to happiness because everything about a kids smile and giggle makes your heart melt.

It is like pure sunshine and rainbows.

Who doesn’t love that?

So…..

Breathing deep, watching, listening and learning my children have taught me that while motherhood has been an unexpected ride and loosing my former self seems like a huge loss at times, being a mom is like being a queen for the day.

You hold all the power.

You can rock their world and give them all you’ve got or you can approach it with irritation and resentment that you are now someone new, someone you don’t always like.

With that new someone you can go one step further and remember that you are only as good for others as you are to yourself.

Take the challenging moments and breathe them in.

No matter what life throws at you, it is for a reason and your job is to catch it and run with it (totally not a baseball metaphor – I know nothing about baseball anyway).

Sometimes you have to hurt a little to feel a lot and heal at all.

I am learning this to be very true and finding it to be a journey greater than I imagined. 

 

I am linking up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say

 

 

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Friday Photo Favorites & OneMommy’s Thought Dump

Posted by on Apr 13, 2012 in Capturing Moments, Friday Photo Favorites and OneMommy’s Thought Dump | 2 comments


 

  This past week was full of fun and far too much candy!

Here you will see just a glimpse.

Yes, Eli was most definitely sobbing in pic one and two.

I guess he doesn’t like mustaches as much as the rest of us?

 

Enjoying the end to a warm day with a glass of wine (didn’t polish off that bottle last night and it was pretty much asking to be drank).

Feeling relaxed. The kids had a good day of outside play and I am going to bed with everything in its place AND getting some down time. Not bad right?!
Planning a potential girls night in tomorrow with old friends and long overdue conversation.
Craving a relaxed weekend with some garden work and possible afternoon naps. I am pretty sure the naps are a stretch but I can still dream.
Holding onto my wits. It has been a long week and the hubs is gone until midday Sunday so I gotta hang on just a little longer.

Thinking about the silly things my kids said and did this week. Do you think I can actually remember specifics? Of course not…must. get. better. and. write. things. down.
Grateful for kinds words and thoughtful actions. They can make all the difference.
Anticipating the next few chapters in a great book. Books are so transforming and uplifting!

Wishing I paid more attention to the news. I often feel very behind.
Reading Bloom by Kelle Hampton. It is a must read and will make you weep like a baby and soar like a new mommy.

Wondering if my seedlings would be a pile of wilt if I left them until morning without checking…pretty sure wonder is not needed. Must tend to the babies.

 

Have a beautiful Friday!

XO

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Easter Yummies

Posted by on Apr 10, 2012 in Capturing Memories, Cooking, Family | 0 comments

 

Easter egg art

This Easter we traveled to my Aunt’s house to celebrate.

My sister in law and her two children also joined in the fun so it was a pretty packed house!

I was in charge of bringing dessert.

I LOVE dessert but for some reason wanted to bring something different than what I typically make (I am a pumpkin pie girl through and through  and really it is either that or chocolate for dessert in my house).

So I decided to branch out and try a new recipe. Dicey I know but I just can’t help myself!

Plus I saw this intriguing recipe for Crock-Pot Cheesecake on Ziplist and had to execute. I also whipped up a Blueberry pie which is one of my favorites that I often forget about. The recipe I use is so, SO simple and very fresh tasting.

I thought I would share my successes! Both desserts were a hit and not a nibble was left over.

Give them a try yourself!

Your family will be oh so pleased that you did.

 

View the original recipe here on The Crock-Pot Ladies:

Crock-Pot Cheesecake

Ingredients

  • 3 8oz Packages of Philadelphia Cream Cheese
  • 3 Eggs
  • 3/4 Cup Sugar
  • 6 Graham Crackers (full pieces), pulverized into crumbs
  • 3 Tablespoons of Stick Butter, melted

**I also added about a teaspoon or so of Vanilla Extract just because I love the flavor

 

Instructions

  • Place cream cheese in a bowl and let it come to room temperature. I dumped the cream cheese and sugar into my KitchenAid mixer bowl and let them come to room temperature.
  • Mix until sugar and cream cheese are well blended and lump free.
  • Add one egg at a time, mixing well in between and scraping the sides of the bowl.
  • In a food processor blend the graham crackers and melted butter to form the crust. I found pulsating to be the best method otherwise it got too smooth.
  • Choose a pan or small crock type cooking dish that will fit in the bottom of your crock-pot (the link shows a crock similar to mine but in black – I prefer white as they do not burn as often) with room left on the side. You want to be able to pull the pan out without too much difficulty and this is the most difficult part of the entire recipe! I chose a round pyrex, glass dish (holds 7 cups) and it was pretty perfect for the amount of filling and crust. It made a really nice, deep cheesecake. It was a little tricky to get the pan out but doable. I did remove some of the water using a turkey baster before attempting to remove the cake itself. This would have been a great tip had I not gotten some of the water ON my cake! It turned out fine anyway but that part was unnerving.
  • Add the graham cracker crumbs mixture to the bottom of the Pyrex (or whatever you chose) dish.
  • Pat the graham crackers into the dish so that you have an even layer. Mine did not go all the way up the side but were about 3/4 of the way up and that looked just fine.
  • Pour the cream cheese mixture into the dish lined with your graham crackers.
  • Add enough water to your crock-pot bowl to come up the side of your dish slightly but not so much it boils up and ends up making a soup of your cheesecake. I added 2 cups to start because the recipe called for 2-3. I could have used a cup and a half and would have been fine.
  • Place your cheesecake dish into the bowl of your crock-pot then cover with the lid.
  • Cook on high for 2 – 2 1/2. I ended up cooking mine for 2 1/2 because it seemed too loose still at 2 hours.
  • The cheesecake should begin to crack on the sides when it is done. This did not happen for me which may mean I could have cooked it longer but I was on a time crunch.
  • Let it cool or come to room temperature before serving. Warm cheesecake is just kind of gross so be patient. You could also put it in the fridge after letting it cool on the counter for about an hour.
  • Now enjoy! You could also whip up a fruit topping like I did or eat it plain. Either way it was pretty darn good!

 

Fruit Topping
  • 2 cups strawberries (cut up to bite size pieces)
  • 3/4 water
  • 1 Tablespoon Corn Starch
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1 1/2 lemon (juiced)
Mix the strawberries and sugar into a medium pan on medium-low.
In a bowl, mix the water and corn starch until it dissolves.
Add the water and corn starch mixture to the pan and combine.
Cook until the sauce has thickened (5-10 minutes) then remove the pan and add the lemon juice.
Pour into a pretty serving dish and set aside for consumption.
Store in the fridge once it has cooled if you don’t plan to eat it right away.
*This was something I came up with on the fly so I can tag my name on this and call it my own.

 

Here are some pics of the process.
Silly me forgot to take a pic when the cheesecake came out because we were in such a hurry to get everyone packed into the car to get to our destination so I apologize for that!

6 quart crock-pot used

I read a little tip for taking pictures of water for recipes like this so you can actually see it. Add food coloring or cola to the water!

Brilliant right?!

It is but I made a mess with it and when I tried to remove some of the water it squirted out of the turkey baster like a girls gone wild video.

Ugh.

Thankfully the cheesecake was not ruined but did have a pretty blue ring around the outside of it (which I of course scrapped off because I am OCD like that).

Brilliant blue water so you can actually see the water

 

Another pic of the water up close

 

My second recipe is an oldie that I have had for a long time and have only made twice.

I don’t know why I haven’t made it more often because it is divine and worth the cost of the fresh blueberries!

 

Ultimate Blueberry Pie

*unknown source (I have a printed copy that literally has no information beyond the recipe)

Ingredients

  • 4 cups blueberries
  • 9″ pie crust (unless you are really talented and can make one from scratch), baked
  • 3 Tablespoons cornstarch
  • 3/4 sugar
  • dash of salt
  • 1 Tablespoon lemon juice
  • 2 Tablespoons butter

 

Instructions

Pour 2 cups of fresh berries into cooled pie shell.

Heat remaining 2 cups of berries in saucepan with cornstarch blended well with sugar, salt and water.

Remove from heat when mixture has thickened; add lemon juice and butter, stirring until dissolved.

Pour mixture over berries in pie plate.

Chill for several hours.

Best served with fresh whipped cream although I am sure a little Cool Whip would do too.

 

I would love to hear some of your baking successes or failures.

Please share and happy baking!

 

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Friday Photo Favorites & OneMommy’s Thought Dump

Posted by on Apr 6, 2012 in Capturing Moments, Family, Friday Photo Favorites and OneMommy’s Thought Dump | 3 comments

The photos this week are of my newly turned 4-year-old who apparently has decided that since he is 4 he can now ride without training wheels.

And that he can! Above are some pics of him riding for the first time without “help”.

Can you tell he is a little stoked?!

Enjoying just a little moment of peace as I watch my son doing the pee, pee dance in the sandbox. Cue moment ending shortly…

Feeling excited for the Easter festivities. Such a fun holiday with all the candy, egg dyeing (partially kidding with that one) and games.
Planning my Easter basket attack. I love me a loaded Easter basket but I am really trying to be more frugal about it this year.
Craving a day, one total day, of happy kids with happy faces. Too many tantrums as of late and I too would like to throw a tantrum!
Holding onto my little mans hair. I am having a VERY hard time with the idea of buzzing it. He has these beautiful little curls and gets a wild post nap fro that I just love. He of course won’t sit still so a buzz would be the safest but it actually makes me feel tearful to think of that! Ugh.

Thinking about what type of dessert I will whip of for Easter. Any ideas? I am leaning towards this  and also considering a blueberry pie. Gotta love Ziplist recipe search!
Grateful for the nice weather that has allowed me to have a lot more quiet time in the house while they are out playing.
Anticipating company. With holidays brings company right?!

Wishing I was a little more ahead of the game in preparing my pots and flower beds. I always put this off and end up doing it all in one day which is simply exhausting!
Reading (soon to be I should preface) We Bought a Zoo  by Benjamin Mee. I didn’t get a chance to see the movie and since the book is generally better I thought I would read it first.

Wondering will it be parkas or rain coats for our egg hunt on Sunday?!

 

Hoppy Friday ya’ll!

XO

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Happy Little Fishes

Posted by on Apr 4, 2012 in Capturing Memories, Party Planning, Photography | 2 comments

My middle son turned four on Sunday.

Yes, he is an April Fool’s baby and not in the way that he was a joke (although he is quite funny at times) meaning he was born on the day of all jokes and my husband may have thought I was playing a joke on him because he asked me over and over when I called him to tell him he needed to meet me at home to go to the hospital “are you sure you are in labor?”.

As unsure as my husband was my coworkers that were driving me home to meet him were CERTAIN and probably a little on edge riding with a ticking time bomb. Needless to say after a feverish whirl of nurses prepping me for the OR (I am one of those women who is apparently destined to endure a C-section because I had 3 despite my efforts) we were rushed in and my little boy was rushed out!

I liked to keep the sex a surprise so we never found out and had this wonderful “it’s a…” moment with all three of our kids. If you have never had this experience it is MAGIC! I highly recommend it!

So just like that my second child was born and now four years later we mark that day with a celebration good enough for even the happy little fishes!

Check it out for yourself….

It all started with a little fish.

 

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